


Elastic Heart

by HawthornBlood141



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, between season one and two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 01:59:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3311360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HawthornBlood141/pseuds/HawthornBlood141
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At some point, Jemma Simmons cuts her hair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elastic Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Fast written under the prompt "JEMMA CUTTING HER HAIR AND HOW SHE FELT WHEN SHE DID IT" given by ruthedotcom on tumblr and while listening to Elastic Heart by Sia on repeat (hence the title).

It’s her first night in her new apartment. Tomorrow her mission starts. _She is going to work for HYDRA._ The thought runs a chill down her spine.

 

She’s already cleaned the kitchen, went over all Coulson’s directives twice, fluffed the couch pillows and picked the outfit she’ll wear in the morning.

Jemma is well aware that she’s fussing around the place in an attempt to find some familiarity in this new unknown. She doesn’t fool herself. All she is doing is trying her best _not_ to think about Fitz and how broken he was when she left.

She’s convinced herself that this will be good for his recovery. _She_ cannot help him. _She_ weighs him down.

She enters the bathroom, organizing yet again the medicine cabinet. It’s pretty useless. And all she stares at, are the little white pills that are supposed to help her sleep.

_That are supposed to stop the nightmares._

She suddenly feels ill-at-ease in this enclosed space. The bathroom feels too small, its blue walls painfully remind her of the reverberation of the bottom of the ocean.

She cannot breathe.

She wills her racing heart to slow down, attempts to push away the panic attack she’s become familiar with.

She runs out welcoming the larger space of her bedroom. Its yellow walls soothing her. Still, she lies on her bed, fists clenching the bed sheets as she cries into her pillow.

Later, when the tears have dried and her heart slowed down, she pushes herself up. With newfound courage, she walks back into the bathroom. She’s decided that she won’t let the tiny room become a trigger for panic attacks. She leaves the door ajar as she showers.

Water is another trigger.

When she steps out, she realises that she didn’t close the medicine cabinet earlier. When she does, she finds her reflection looking back at her.

She doesn’t recognize the girl in the mirror.

Jemma looks exhausted beyond her years. There is deep dark circles under her eyes, her skin is pale under the unforgiving light, and her hair’s a mess.

She sighs. At least she can do something about the hair.

She finds a pair of scissors in the kitchen and without giving it any second thoughts, she grabs a chunk of her hair and cuts it.

It takes her ten minutes to cut it to a satisfying length.

When she’s done, she looks at herself. She looks different, older somehow. She hasn’t had her hair this short since she was 12. She likes it.

That night, as she mentally goes over the mission once again. _It will be fine, it’s only HYDRA the worst crime organization in the world, the one that took your best friend away._ She tosses and turns before giving up and getting out of bed. A cup of tea will soothe her.

As Jemma stares into space, the apartment quiet and dark, she fleetingly wonders what Fitz will think of her new haircut.


End file.
